Why I Can't Afford to Live Self Consciously Anymore (reposted from my tumblr)

WHY I CANT AFFORD TO LIVE SELF CONSCIOUSLY ANYMORE

My name is Batsy. I am a teenager. I live with a former single mom who is currently engaged to a beautiful woman. I am the oldest of three kids. I run my school's GSA. I am also a part of a cosplay group on Instagram. Finally, I am a volunteer teacher for 2-9 year olds. 

I do not like myself. I used to go look at a mirror and cringe at what I saw looking back at me. I considered myself to be my own worst enemy. I pretty much smothered myself in self loathing. But I can't do this anymore. I have two little siblings looking up to me. I need to be a role model for them and guide them to do right in this world? How can they follow me ahen I am always at war with myself? I teach children, young children. They are extremely impressionable. When I walk into my classroom, what am I showing them? I need to teach fhem to love themselves for who they are. I am president of GSA, I need to show my fellow advocates that we need to be strong in who we are and be unapologetically ourselves.

I have realized, I could be a force for good or I could lead a cycle of self loathing in generations to come.

Now, I'll admit there are times when I will slide, it happens. But if struggling with depression has taught me anything it's that no matter how much something hurts, no matter how bad the situation may be, no matter how much you wish You were dead; time will pass, the world will continue on and you need to decide to continue on with it, and when you do-.. Scars fade, pain numbs, feelings drift away. Nothing is going to last forever.

So, today I am through with hating who I am. I will love the person I see in the mirror, not only for me, but for the people that look up to me. I want to be that force of good for this world.